Can’t take it.
I think that was the last straw- I don’t really feel like I can keep this blog up anymore. Just one too many people have admitted that they have found it and have been reading. I really don’t mind if that’s the case but why did you TELL ME THIS?
If you have read my 50+ posts (and I know that’s a silly request) you’d see at least three times I ask people- if you find this blog- DON’T TELL ME. I don’t want to know.
Now I have ***, ***,****,*****, *******, and ******* following and I can’t keep thinking about what I can or shouldn’t say anymore- it’s too complicated and it becomes unreal. I can’t speak freely about anything here anymore. I know what you’re thinking because everyone has said the same thing to me over and over- ‘well if you didn’t want people to find it, you shouldn’t make it public’. Well my bad, I guess I’m a little too easy to find. But I still don’t see the harm in wanting a public place where I can say my peace and get feedback from strangers.
So, I don’t know. I guess I shouldn’t leave this up for all you people the browse through. But I don’t feel like stripping it just yet. Maybe this resentment will go away soon enough and I can keep all my hard work.
But I am a little disappointed. After all this work- some of you really should have known better. And now I have to start over again. I shut down the dating blog. Unless anyone has any other ideas to help me feel un-cornered. Oh hell, maybe this is just a bad week...
Ps. If you miss me, you should call me. It’s not fair you get to find out how I am without telling me how you are too. Not fair.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
musings2
What do you do when you know the answer but you still feel or act another way? Is it because you don’t really believe it? Or don’t want to?
You do realize that your favorite sang is full of ‘ohhh oohhhhhhh ooooooohhh baby ooooooaaaahhahh! Yeah yeah yeah.’ Less than inspiring lyrics…
Strange compliment- I gave Howard a good name for a position but another recruiter submitted the same person two days earlier. At least I know I’m looking in the right places…
The sites I visit the most are not in my favorites…
I was forced to avert my eyes last night from PDA and in doing so, I was forced to speak to a guy eating chipotle. It wasn’t the food that was so disconcerting about him though. It was that he treated me like a threat. As though I was sizing him up him for my own dating hunt and it was his job to let me know that he was not on the menu. It’s like I can’t even make males friends anymore without being regarded as a marriage hungry beast.
But the thing that made me throw my hands up in frustration was when I asked him how old he was and he looked me dead in the eye and said, “Well THAT’S a rather rude question.”
I told him (tactfully of course,) to man up and own his age, that it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, and I thought it was discourteous to assume I meant anything outside of curiosity. And the reason I did want to know was because I wanted to get a feel on how old I should be when getting my MBA- like him.
He plainly told me it was similar to asking a woman for her weight. I heartily laughed and soon removed myself from his presence. Thank heaven the PDA couple was gone by then.
You do realize that your favorite sang is full of ‘ohhh oohhhhhhh ooooooohhh baby ooooooaaaahhahh! Yeah yeah yeah.’ Less than inspiring lyrics…
Strange compliment- I gave Howard a good name for a position but another recruiter submitted the same person two days earlier. At least I know I’m looking in the right places…
The sites I visit the most are not in my favorites…
I was forced to avert my eyes last night from PDA and in doing so, I was forced to speak to a guy eating chipotle. It wasn’t the food that was so disconcerting about him though. It was that he treated me like a threat. As though I was sizing him up him for my own dating hunt and it was his job to let me know that he was not on the menu. It’s like I can’t even make males friends anymore without being regarded as a marriage hungry beast.
But the thing that made me throw my hands up in frustration was when I asked him how old he was and he looked me dead in the eye and said, “Well THAT’S a rather rude question.”
I told him (tactfully of course,) to man up and own his age, that it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, and I thought it was discourteous to assume I meant anything outside of curiosity. And the reason I did want to know was because I wanted to get a feel on how old I should be when getting my MBA- like him.
He plainly told me it was similar to asking a woman for her weight. I heartily laughed and soon removed myself from his presence. Thank heaven the PDA couple was gone by then.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Proper places and Bread
This is my attempt to start posting on anything other than the three most common topics- Work, relationships, and hair.
And hopefully we can stay far away from anything like "I'm exhausted again" or "The weather has been so cold" or even "I hate food". I don't know how common that is, but for me I should probably stop mentioning it.
I have run into that issue often as of late. that I'm spending a lot of energy remembering how to talk to each person. Everyone has topics their comfortable with, slang and jargon that they recognize, and levels of comfort with things. some people I never talk to about dating at all because it just gets us into a fight. Some people, that's all they want to talk about. I can't mention my anime obsession to some people, and other I can safely bring up new clips like P**** and S******* without creeping them out.
But with my limited working memory, it's getting harder and hard to draw the line. Suddenly I'll be with someone who is SHOCKED to hear I could ever be that dirty. It's no news to me- I spend a lot of time with myself. I forgot that they are not quite as acquainted with me. and that's fine. I just want to know. Or something.
changing subjects:
You know, when I changed my diet and started buying bread, I saved the heels. This is because *** requested once that we go feed the ducks sometime. So I've been saving them ever since. But we never went, and now we never will. So I have a pile of bags in my fridge now that are all full of the heels of bread I saved. and I'm not a great cook... so I don't know what to do with them exactly. I still want to feed ducks I suppose. Which means I should throw them all out and stop this habit of keeping them around. I need more reminiscing like I need a hole in the head.
...I need a gun to my face like I need another hole in my head. lol
And hopefully we can stay far away from anything like "I'm exhausted again" or "The weather has been so cold" or even "I hate food". I don't know how common that is, but for me I should probably stop mentioning it.
I have run into that issue often as of late. that I'm spending a lot of energy remembering how to talk to each person. Everyone has topics their comfortable with, slang and jargon that they recognize, and levels of comfort with things. some people I never talk to about dating at all because it just gets us into a fight. Some people, that's all they want to talk about. I can't mention my anime obsession to some people, and other I can safely bring up new clips like P**** and S******* without creeping them out.
But with my limited working memory, it's getting harder and hard to draw the line. Suddenly I'll be with someone who is SHOCKED to hear I could ever be that dirty. It's no news to me- I spend a lot of time with myself. I forgot that they are not quite as acquainted with me. and that's fine. I just want to know. Or something.
changing subjects:
You know, when I changed my diet and started buying bread, I saved the heels. This is because *** requested once that we go feed the ducks sometime. So I've been saving them ever since. But we never went, and now we never will. So I have a pile of bags in my fridge now that are all full of the heels of bread I saved. and I'm not a great cook... so I don't know what to do with them exactly. I still want to feed ducks I suppose. Which means I should throw them all out and stop this habit of keeping them around. I need more reminiscing like I need a hole in the head.
...I need a gun to my face like I need another hole in my head. lol
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
I saw a couple today
Coming back from lunch today I saw something cute from my car while at a red light.
A boy and girl (highschoolers?) were walking down the sidewalk away from me. I thought, "They're walking so close...shouldn't they be holding hands?" When sure enough, the boy, who was a head taller than her, looked up into her face hopefully, and put his arm around her shoulders. She didn't miss a beat in her walking but she brought up her hand to his. He seemed so happy about this that he leaned down and kissed her. I mean, from where I was, I can only guess he kissed her, he kinda smushed his face into hers as they walked, drawing her close with his arm around her shoulder..
After that, he reached down and they held hands. And the light turned green. But before I drove away I saw them swinging their entwined hands like children and even from where I was I could tell- that guy was crazy about that girl. I don't know how she felt about him really- she's playing it cool. But even from behind I swear I could see his goofy grin and hear him thinking how lucky he was to have this hot girl on his arm. It's like he'd been thinking about her for a long time and finally she was his.
Honestly, it was only a few seconds, and I had a lot of other much more important things happen to me today. but that moment, for some reason, really stood out to me. I hope I don't forget it. And I hope that girl knows how lucky she is too.
A boy and girl (highschoolers?) were walking down the sidewalk away from me. I thought, "They're walking so close...shouldn't they be holding hands?" When sure enough, the boy, who was a head taller than her, looked up into her face hopefully, and put his arm around her shoulders. She didn't miss a beat in her walking but she brought up her hand to his. He seemed so happy about this that he leaned down and kissed her. I mean, from where I was, I can only guess he kissed her, he kinda smushed his face into hers as they walked, drawing her close with his arm around her shoulder..
After that, he reached down and they held hands. And the light turned green. But before I drove away I saw them swinging their entwined hands like children and even from where I was I could tell- that guy was crazy about that girl. I don't know how she felt about him really- she's playing it cool. But even from behind I swear I could see his goofy grin and hear him thinking how lucky he was to have this hot girl on his arm. It's like he'd been thinking about her for a long time and finally she was his.
Honestly, it was only a few seconds, and I had a lot of other much more important things happen to me today. but that moment, for some reason, really stood out to me. I hope I don't forget it. And I hope that girl knows how lucky she is too.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Post-Thanks.
Remind me never to leave home that late again. Every time I think it will be okay if I just spend ooooone more little tiny hour with them- usually my parents around the breakfast table, and it’s a mistake. Someone please remind me about LA Traffic! I spend to much time away and I forget how scary the grapevine can be at night, and how bumper to bumper traffic can drive you stir crazy worse than spending the same amount of time speeding at 80 mph. Casey, please remember- when you leave late, you don’t just arrive late- IT ADDS ANOTHER HOUR AND A HALF. Ug. It just wastes me. I totally missed church. Which is fine. After vacation I don’t want to see anyone anyway.
But Eric came over late night and taught Cynthia and me. That was nice. It was a good incentive to shower, powder, and dress before zonking out around 10.
Things I learned over the weekend-
I know what I must do! I’m just scared.
I know what I have to do- I just reaaaaaaaaaaaaally don’t want to.
The test results show ADD, effecting executive motor skills, working (short term) memory loss, and learning disabilities. I overhead them say, “looking at these results, I don’t even know how she made it through college…” Nothing really new here but now I know what to write to the phyc.
I need to gain more weight
Now that I’ve lived this life for so long, the noise of my parent’s home gives me a headache.
Rusty is still being obstinate but not nearly as angry.
Eric (my brother) is not a man In his own home.
And probably other stuff But I should start work soon.
Oh how I loath being cold. I’d like to live in my car and die in 100* F in front of my heater. Something about the cold gets to my bones and
Gonna spend the break time away from AniMaid to look for a new job. Pray for me.
But Eric came over late night and taught Cynthia and me. That was nice. It was a good incentive to shower, powder, and dress before zonking out around 10.
Things I learned over the weekend-
I know what I must do! I’m just scared.
I know what I have to do- I just reaaaaaaaaaaaaally don’t want to.
The test results show ADD, effecting executive motor skills, working (short term) memory loss, and learning disabilities. I overhead them say, “looking at these results, I don’t even know how she made it through college…” Nothing really new here but now I know what to write to the phyc.
I need to gain more weight
Now that I’ve lived this life for so long, the noise of my parent’s home gives me a headache.
Rusty is still being obstinate but not nearly as angry.
Eric (my brother) is not a man In his own home.
And probably other stuff But I should start work soon.
Oh how I loath being cold. I’d like to live in my car and die in 100* F in front of my heater. Something about the cold gets to my bones and
Gonna spend the break time away from AniMaid to look for a new job. Pray for me.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
all emo, no substance
What am I 4?
I haven’t felt this misunderstood since I was a teen. Not that I remember being misunderstood. I just assume that I was as a teen. Or at least that I thought I was.
Seriously though. I can’t see or do anything right. Stay or go. Fight or flee. Kindness vs. For your own good. Too much of this not enough of that. I feel dirty and slovenly but so weary at the same time. It’s all natural but it’s not right. We’re friends but not really or more than acquaintances. How long do I let this go on? Can I handle all this or am I not doing enough?
And do I really have the right to be upset? That’s the worst one of all. Do I have any right to be going crazy? People have it much worse than I do. I know because I’ve had it much worse before. More substantial hurt and confusion and desperation. And compared to that, this is nothing.
But I’m still stuck clawing my way out of my own head. It’s like I’m growing, but not in the right direction. My branches feel like they’re twisting out of control and I don’t know how to stop them. How can all of this be a good thing for me? And at what point did I go wrong?
I would be happy if the answer was found in another person. That I could say, If only this would happen. Or so and so would such and such. But I have this suspicion it’s all me. Me and my failures, my misunderstanding, my loss, my mistakes.
I love my family. But I know what’s coming. Dad is going to grind me about all the things I COULD be doing but I’m not. And when he sees that I can’t/won’t because of the person I am- I’ll see the look of disappointment on his face and he’ll give up. And even though at that moment I’ll want to do more- and I always want to do more, I can’t.
It’s like rope is trying my hands into fists. And I can claw at my goals but it’s no use. I don’t like myself. So how can I plague anyone with me? It’s not fair to them. I need help so badly though. Some perspective. Some answers. Some guidance. Some directions. Some hope.
Fail at work
Fail at hobbies
Fail at love
Fail at friendship
Fail at protecting
Fail at basic self preservation
Fail at educating
Fail at improvement
Fail at goals and dreams
And I can’t even cook a DAMN box of macaroni and cheese!!! It makes me want to chuck that stupid pot across the room and rip the stove apart with my bare hands I don’t care how hot it is.
And all the people who turn my good intentions into opportunities for themselves.
Fail fail fail fail fail fail fail fail fail fail fail fail fail failfialfilafailafialfailfialfilfialifalifalfialfifilfifiaiifaiiilfllifialiflaififilafalifiiflaifififailliaifilafaiflafifail.
Just as a matter of record, I’m going home for thanksgiving alone. Lol fail again.
and that's all the story you're going to get out of me. the more I say, the more foder you have to lecture me about how stupid I am.
I haven’t felt this misunderstood since I was a teen. Not that I remember being misunderstood. I just assume that I was as a teen. Or at least that I thought I was.
Seriously though. I can’t see or do anything right. Stay or go. Fight or flee. Kindness vs. For your own good. Too much of this not enough of that. I feel dirty and slovenly but so weary at the same time. It’s all natural but it’s not right. We’re friends but not really or more than acquaintances. How long do I let this go on? Can I handle all this or am I not doing enough?
And do I really have the right to be upset? That’s the worst one of all. Do I have any right to be going crazy? People have it much worse than I do. I know because I’ve had it much worse before. More substantial hurt and confusion and desperation. And compared to that, this is nothing.
But I’m still stuck clawing my way out of my own head. It’s like I’m growing, but not in the right direction. My branches feel like they’re twisting out of control and I don’t know how to stop them. How can all of this be a good thing for me? And at what point did I go wrong?
I would be happy if the answer was found in another person. That I could say, If only this would happen. Or so and so would such and such. But I have this suspicion it’s all me. Me and my failures, my misunderstanding, my loss, my mistakes.
I love my family. But I know what’s coming. Dad is going to grind me about all the things I COULD be doing but I’m not. And when he sees that I can’t/won’t because of the person I am- I’ll see the look of disappointment on his face and he’ll give up. And even though at that moment I’ll want to do more- and I always want to do more, I can’t.
It’s like rope is trying my hands into fists. And I can claw at my goals but it’s no use. I don’t like myself. So how can I plague anyone with me? It’s not fair to them. I need help so badly though. Some perspective. Some answers. Some guidance. Some directions. Some hope.
Fail at work
Fail at hobbies
Fail at love
Fail at friendship
Fail at protecting
Fail at basic self preservation
Fail at educating
Fail at improvement
Fail at goals and dreams
And I can’t even cook a DAMN box of macaroni and cheese!!! It makes me want to chuck that stupid pot across the room and rip the stove apart with my bare hands I don’t care how hot it is.
And all the people who turn my good intentions into opportunities for themselves.
Fail fail fail fail fail fail fail fail fail fail fail fail fail failfialfilafailafialfailfialfilfialifalifalfialfifilfifiaiifaiiilfllifialiflaififilafalifiiflaifififailliaifilafaiflafifail.
Just as a matter of record, I’m going home for thanksgiving alone. Lol fail again.
and that's all the story you're going to get out of me. the more I say, the more foder you have to lecture me about how stupid I am.
Monday, November 15, 2010
whatever morning.
Whatever.
That’s my attitude today.
I missed the last minute party last night? Whatever.
I can’t defeat the final boss? Whatever.
I didn’t sleep well last night. Whatever.
I didn’t hang my maid dress? Whatever.
You disagree with me? Whatever.
I don’t have enough bread? Whatever.
Jerk corrects my spelling? Whatever.
So the English language is too weird for you? Whatever.
The maids don’t show up for work? Whatever.
The new MAX/AM2 logo looks like blue sperm and everyone is going to pronounce it AM-squared? Whatever. It’s like, “Morning squared?” Whatever.
I’m wrong again? WHATEVER.
I show up for work too early? Whatever.
Working independently is worthless again? Whatever.
I know you’re trying to help but you can’t say "haul ass" and "Take it easy on yourself" as advice in the same hour! Make up your mind!!!!
My Jillaine isn’t taking a charge right now and it really is breaking my heart.
Let me explain-
What I hate most is not having time. So I postponed my Friday date because kchan said she needed me at PMX. I could kill her. I called her before I left- are you SURE you need me? “YES”
So off I go to fight the nasty Friday rush hour traffic north for an hor crawling towards PMX- and they closed the maidcafe… there I am standing in my perfectly dry cleaned uniform feeling like a total idiot and really pissed at Kchan. >/ I could have been on my date. Or saved myself the night to prep for Saturday’s panel, or at least save the gas it took to get out there. Whatever.
But the next day I don’t have enough gas to get out there. So in the middle of the drive (with aino in the car) I have to make a crazy turn around to pick some up. And on the way, I bump into someone. I give them my information and she seems unhappy about it but nice enough. My car is fine. But I’ll have to call her some time this week and deal with insurance and crap.
Skipping the millions of things that happened at PMX (including 12 maids attending PMX with only 3 showing up for work(other than me and kchan))- John seemed mad at me for some reason. I don’t know why but I let him alone for a while. But aino wanted to shoot with him so we went. Sometime that night he seemed to warm back up. I have no idea why. Whatever.
Sunday - So my Friday-date calls to me- “I saved you a seat!”
“No you didn’t.”
“Well…at least it’s empty?” He sits next to some other girl.
But later he sits by me ask asks me to doodle in his book during church. I do but nothing turns out looking right. Whatever. He asks me out for Friday- I’m busy. Saturday. Fine. No wait, Tuesday instead. Because Saturday is too far away. Whatever. He has a class on Tuesday.
Now, I was going to spend tonight (Monday) skipping fhe (it’s another dating forum. Why? Whatever.) relaxing after a long con, cleaning up my maid stuff, working on the café logistics, playing videogames I’ve been neglecting and most importantly, going to get my computer fixed. But this idiot guy asks if he can change the time I go to his house to see a movie to Monday- tonight. I’m in the middle of a meeting when he asks and he’s not going away and saying, “Sorry, I want to be alone that night” in front of my friends seems lame. So I say (literally), “Fine! Whatever. GO AWAY.” He does.
But now I’m stuck going to see him when all I really want to do it get my Jillaine back…
GRRRR.
And I don’t know. I’m kinda happy when I’m with him. He’s very immature (poop jokes?) and doesn’t understand the first thing about anime (he always ends up insulting me) and frankly I’ve never been physically attracted to him. But it’s been a long time since a mormon guy liked me. And also a while since someone seemed to really have their mind set on me- despite my fighting it. And that’s nice. But I’m just not convinced I want to risk our friendship for making out. Is he worth it to add all that drama to my life? And worst of all, do I want to give up all the other avenues I’ve been investigating? If they knew I was dating someone, I’d lose a lot. Including the respect of a few girls who hate the very core of this dude- although I personally can understand, I don’t empathize. I can recognize that he can be a bit moronic. And it’s just not a good idea to start something without being sure right? I mean, shouldn’t I at least have that stupid puppy love? I have to think too much to bring myself to liking him. Or am I just thinking too much? I have no idea but it makes me dizzy. I thought all that mushy stuff was supposed to be easy.
I’ve always had this fear and I’ve said it a million times. Maybe I’m just cold hearted.
What I did NOT need today was Jeremy. >/
All I said was I hadn’t done anything much yet this morning and I was feeling un motivated. I guess I was expecting him to ask what was wrong. Apparently that’s the signal for him to start ‘rallying’ me on with quips about how pitiful I am and I have to be whipped into shape and as part of this goal I’m supposed to REPORT everything I complete in the next hour. Screw that. I logged off. I don’t need that kind of abusive bs this morning. Whatever.
So instead of working on this STUPID new assignment- I’m writing out this. Which is probably a waste of time but looking back I can understand why I’m not feeling too hot right now.
Maybe it was the brownie at 2am that kept my mind going all night…
Whatever.
That’s my attitude today.
I missed the last minute party last night? Whatever.
I can’t defeat the final boss? Whatever.
I didn’t sleep well last night. Whatever.
I didn’t hang my maid dress? Whatever.
You disagree with me? Whatever.
I don’t have enough bread? Whatever.
Jerk corrects my spelling? Whatever.
So the English language is too weird for you? Whatever.
The maids don’t show up for work? Whatever.
The new MAX/AM2 logo looks like blue sperm and everyone is going to pronounce it AM-squared? Whatever. It’s like, “Morning squared?” Whatever.
I’m wrong again? WHATEVER.
I show up for work too early? Whatever.
Working independently is worthless again? Whatever.
I know you’re trying to help but you can’t say "haul ass" and "Take it easy on yourself" as advice in the same hour! Make up your mind!!!!
My Jillaine isn’t taking a charge right now and it really is breaking my heart.
Let me explain-
What I hate most is not having time. So I postponed my Friday date because kchan said she needed me at PMX. I could kill her. I called her before I left- are you SURE you need me? “YES”
So off I go to fight the nasty Friday rush hour traffic north for an hor crawling towards PMX- and they closed the maidcafe… there I am standing in my perfectly dry cleaned uniform feeling like a total idiot and really pissed at Kchan. >/ I could have been on my date. Or saved myself the night to prep for Saturday’s panel, or at least save the gas it took to get out there. Whatever.
But the next day I don’t have enough gas to get out there. So in the middle of the drive (with aino in the car) I have to make a crazy turn around to pick some up. And on the way, I bump into someone. I give them my information and she seems unhappy about it but nice enough. My car is fine. But I’ll have to call her some time this week and deal with insurance and crap.
Skipping the millions of things that happened at PMX (including 12 maids attending PMX with only 3 showing up for work(other than me and kchan))- John seemed mad at me for some reason. I don’t know why but I let him alone for a while. But aino wanted to shoot with him so we went. Sometime that night he seemed to warm back up. I have no idea why. Whatever.
Sunday - So my Friday-date calls to me- “I saved you a seat!”
“No you didn’t.”
“Well…at least it’s empty?” He sits next to some other girl.
But later he sits by me ask asks me to doodle in his book during church. I do but nothing turns out looking right. Whatever. He asks me out for Friday- I’m busy. Saturday. Fine. No wait, Tuesday instead. Because Saturday is too far away. Whatever. He has a class on Tuesday.
Now, I was going to spend tonight (Monday) skipping fhe (it’s another dating forum. Why? Whatever.) relaxing after a long con, cleaning up my maid stuff, working on the café logistics, playing videogames I’ve been neglecting and most importantly, going to get my computer fixed. But this idiot guy asks if he can change the time I go to his house to see a movie to Monday- tonight. I’m in the middle of a meeting when he asks and he’s not going away and saying, “Sorry, I want to be alone that night” in front of my friends seems lame. So I say (literally), “Fine! Whatever. GO AWAY.” He does.
But now I’m stuck going to see him when all I really want to do it get my Jillaine back…
GRRRR.
And I don’t know. I’m kinda happy when I’m with him. He’s very immature (poop jokes?) and doesn’t understand the first thing about anime (he always ends up insulting me) and frankly I’ve never been physically attracted to him. But it’s been a long time since a mormon guy liked me. And also a while since someone seemed to really have their mind set on me- despite my fighting it. And that’s nice. But I’m just not convinced I want to risk our friendship for making out. Is he worth it to add all that drama to my life? And worst of all, do I want to give up all the other avenues I’ve been investigating? If they knew I was dating someone, I’d lose a lot. Including the respect of a few girls who hate the very core of this dude- although I personally can understand, I don’t empathize. I can recognize that he can be a bit moronic. And it’s just not a good idea to start something without being sure right? I mean, shouldn’t I at least have that stupid puppy love? I have to think too much to bring myself to liking him. Or am I just thinking too much? I have no idea but it makes me dizzy. I thought all that mushy stuff was supposed to be easy.
I’ve always had this fear and I’ve said it a million times. Maybe I’m just cold hearted.
What I did NOT need today was Jeremy. >/
All I said was I hadn’t done anything much yet this morning and I was feeling un motivated. I guess I was expecting him to ask what was wrong. Apparently that’s the signal for him to start ‘rallying’ me on with quips about how pitiful I am and I have to be whipped into shape and as part of this goal I’m supposed to REPORT everything I complete in the next hour. Screw that. I logged off. I don’t need that kind of abusive bs this morning. Whatever.
So instead of working on this STUPID new assignment- I’m writing out this. Which is probably a waste of time but looking back I can understand why I’m not feeling too hot right now.
Maybe it was the brownie at 2am that kept my mind going all night…
Whatever.
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