whatever morning.

Whatever.

That’s my attitude today.
I missed the last minute party last night? Whatever.
I can’t defeat the final boss? Whatever.
I didn’t sleep well last night. Whatever.
I didn’t hang my maid dress? Whatever.
You disagree with me? Whatever.
I don’t have enough bread? Whatever.
Jerk corrects my spelling? Whatever.
So the English language is too weird for you? Whatever.
The maids don’t show up for work? Whatever.
The new MAX/AM2 logo looks like blue sperm and everyone is going to pronounce it AM-squared? Whatever. It’s like, “Morning squared?” Whatever.
I’m wrong again? WHATEVER.
I show up for work too early? Whatever.
Working independently is worthless again? Whatever.
I know you’re trying to help but you can’t say "haul ass" and "Take it easy on yourself" as advice in the same hour! Make up your mind!!!!

My Jillaine isn’t taking a charge right now and it really is breaking my heart.
Let me explain-
What I hate most is not having time. So I postponed my Friday date because kchan said she needed me at PMX. I could kill her. I called her before I left- are you SURE you need me? “YES”
So off I go to fight the nasty Friday rush hour traffic north for an hor crawling towards PMX- and they closed the maidcafe… there I am standing in my perfectly dry cleaned uniform feeling like a total idiot and really pissed at Kchan. >/ I could have been on my date. Or saved myself the night to prep for Saturday’s panel, or at least save the gas it took to get out there. Whatever.

But the next day I don’t have enough gas to get out there. So in the middle of the drive (with aino in the car) I have to make a crazy turn around to pick some up. And on the way, I bump into someone. I give them my information and she seems unhappy about it but nice enough. My car is fine. But I’ll have to call her some time this week and deal with insurance and crap.

Skipping the millions of things that happened at PMX (including 12 maids attending PMX with only 3 showing up for work(other than me and kchan))- John seemed mad at me for some reason. I don’t know why but I let him alone for a while. But aino wanted to shoot with him so we went. Sometime that night he seemed to warm back up. I have no idea why. Whatever.

Sunday - So my Friday-date calls to me- “I saved you a seat!”
“No you didn’t.”
“Well…at least it’s empty?” He sits next to some other girl.

But later he sits by me ask asks me to doodle in his book during church. I do but nothing turns out looking right. Whatever. He asks me out for Friday- I’m busy. Saturday. Fine. No wait, Tuesday instead. Because Saturday is too far away. Whatever. He has a class on Tuesday.

Now, I was going to spend tonight (Monday) skipping fhe (it’s another dating forum. Why? Whatever.) relaxing after a long con, cleaning up my maid stuff, working on the café logistics, playing videogames I’ve been neglecting and most importantly, going to get my computer fixed. But this idiot guy asks if he can change the time I go to his house to see a movie to Monday- tonight. I’m in the middle of a meeting when he asks and he’s not going away and saying, “Sorry, I want to be alone that night” in front of my friends seems lame. So I say (literally), “Fine! Whatever. GO AWAY.” He does.

But now I’m stuck going to see him when all I really want to do it get my Jillaine back…
GRRRR.

And I don’t know. I’m kinda happy when I’m with him. He’s very immature (poop jokes?) and doesn’t understand the first thing about anime (he always ends up insulting me) and frankly I’ve never been physically attracted to him. But it’s been a long time since a mormon guy liked me. And also a while since someone seemed to really have their mind set on me- despite my fighting it. And that’s nice. But I’m just not convinced I want to risk our friendship for making out. Is he worth it to add all that drama to my life? And worst of all, do I want to give up all the other avenues I’ve been investigating? If they knew I was dating someone, I’d lose a lot. Including the respect of a few girls who hate the very core of this dude- although I personally can understand, I don’t empathize. I can recognize that he can be a bit moronic. And it’s just not a good idea to start something without being sure right? I mean, shouldn’t I at least have that stupid puppy love? I have to think too much to bring myself to liking him. Or am I just thinking too much? I have no idea but it makes me dizzy. I thought all that mushy stuff was supposed to be easy.

I’ve always had this fear and I’ve said it a million times. Maybe I’m just cold hearted.

What I did NOT need today was Jeremy. >/
All I said was I hadn’t done anything much yet this morning and I was feeling un motivated. I guess I was expecting him to ask what was wrong. Apparently that’s the signal for him to start ‘rallying’ me on with quips about how pitiful I am and I have to be whipped into shape and as part of this goal I’m supposed to REPORT everything I complete in the next hour. Screw that. I logged off. I don’t need that kind of abusive bs this morning. Whatever.

So instead of working on this STUPID new assignment- I’m writing out this. Which is probably a waste of time but looking back I can understand why I’m not feeling too hot right now.

Maybe it was the brownie at 2am that kept my mind going all night…

Whatever.