fathers understand

How is it my Father knows everything? And that every time I talk to him, I feel a little better? Is that just something special fathers have? He satisfies me intellectually. I don’t think I’ve ever met a man who could do that quite as thoroughly. Maybe it’s from us knowing each other so well that makes it possible for him to know what to say, or maybe I just trust him more than other people. Like I said before: when he says it’ll be Okay, I know it will be.

Mind you, he didn’t say everything would be okay. In fact, he didn’t offer any of that kind of reassurance. He just reminded me of the plan we set in place. Plus one addition, after the new year, the first thing I’m going to do- is give a 4 week notice. And by the end of the 4 weeks I must find a replacement for myself here, and if I still don’t have a job, I’m still going to leave. I know it’s smart to never leave a job without a new one lined up, but I cannot take this anymore. And how much fear of failure, the economy, and starving to death do I have to combat how much I desire to feel useful and in my beloved field again?

Man, what will I do when he dies? How can I go on living with these kinds of questions in my heart? I felt like I was going to implode this morning- curled up in my work chair. And living so far from the people who most understand me is proving to be increasingly difficult.

Lol- the funny thing is, as much as I feel refreshed on some level when I see them those few precious times I year, It’s also not fun to be going alone. No improvement from the last time I was there. That’s why I’m looking to take someone home with me again this year for thanksgiving. They don’t have to be the token boyfriend, hell, they don’t even have to be a boy. But it would be nice.