Private Public

Can’t take it.
I think that was the last straw- I don’t really feel like I can keep this blog up anymore. Just one too many people have admitted that they have found it and have been reading. I really don’t mind if that’s the case but why did you TELL ME THIS?

If you have read my 50+ posts (and I know that’s a silly request) you’d see at least three times I ask people- if you find this blog- DON’T TELL ME. I don’t want to know.

Now I have ***, ***,****,*****, *******, and ******* following and I can’t keep thinking about what I can or shouldn’t say anymore- it’s too complicated and it becomes unreal. I can’t speak freely about anything here anymore. I know what you’re thinking because everyone has said the same thing to me over and over- ‘well if you didn’t want people to find it, you shouldn’t make it public’. Well my bad, I guess I’m a little too easy to find. But I still don’t see the harm in wanting a public place where I can say my peace and get feedback from strangers.

So, I don’t know. I guess I shouldn’t leave this up for all you people the browse through. But I don’t feel like stripping it just yet. Maybe this resentment will go away soon enough and I can keep all my hard work.

But I am a little disappointed. After all this work- some of you really should have known better. And now I have to start over again. I shut down the dating blog. Unless anyone has any other ideas to help me feel un-cornered. Oh hell, maybe this is just a bad week...


Ps. If you miss me, you should call me. It’s not fair you get to find out how I am without telling me how you are too. Not fair.

musings2

What do you do when you know the answer but you still feel or act another way? Is it because you don’t really believe it? Or don’t want to?

You do realize that your favorite sang is full of ‘ohhh oohhhhhhh ooooooohhh baby ooooooaaaahhahh! Yeah yeah yeah.’ Less than inspiring lyrics…

Strange compliment- I gave Howard a good name for a position but another recruiter submitted the same person two days earlier. At least I know I’m looking in the right places…

The sites I visit the most are not in my favorites…

I was forced to avert my eyes last night from PDA and in doing so, I was forced to speak to a guy eating chipotle. It wasn’t the food that was so disconcerting about him though. It was that he treated me like a threat. As though I was sizing him up him for my own dating hunt and it was his job to let me know that he was not on the menu. It’s like I can’t even make males friends anymore without being regarded as a marriage hungry beast.
But the thing that made me throw my hands up in frustration was when I asked him how old he was and he looked me dead in the eye and said, “Well THAT’S a rather rude question.”
I told him (tactfully of course,) to man up and own his age, that it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, and I thought it was discourteous to assume I meant anything outside of curiosity. And the reason I did want to know was because I wanted to get a feel on how old I should be when getting my MBA- like him.
He plainly told me it was similar to asking a woman for her weight. I heartily laughed and soon removed myself from his presence. Thank heaven the PDA couple was gone by then.

Proper places and Bread

This is my attempt to start posting on anything other than the three most common topics- Work, relationships, and hair.

And hopefully we can stay far away from anything like "I'm exhausted again" or "The weather has been so cold" or even "I hate food". I don't know how common that is, but for me I should probably stop mentioning it.

I have run into that issue often as of late. that I'm spending a lot of energy remembering how to talk to each person. Everyone has topics their comfortable with, slang and jargon that they recognize, and levels of comfort with things. some people I never talk to about dating at all because it just gets us into a fight. Some people, that's all they want to talk about. I can't mention my anime obsession to some people, and other I can safely bring up new clips like P**** and S******* without creeping them out.

But with my limited working memory, it's getting harder and hard to draw the line. Suddenly I'll be with someone who is SHOCKED to hear I could ever be that dirty. It's no news to me- I spend a lot of time with myself. I forgot that they are not quite as acquainted with me. and that's fine. I just want to know. Or something.


changing subjects:
You know, when I changed my diet and started buying bread, I saved the heels. This is because *** requested once that we go feed the ducks sometime. So I've been saving them ever since. But we never went, and now we never will. So I have a pile of bags in my fridge now that are all full of the heels of bread I saved. and I'm not a great cook... so I don't know what to do with them exactly. I still want to feed ducks I suppose. Which means I should throw them all out and stop this habit of keeping them around. I need more reminiscing like I need a hole in the head.

...I need a gun to my face like I need another hole in my head. lol