Phyko

Something is wrong with me. Not news to anyone but this, I just don't get.
I'm sitting on my bed with a bowl of dinner in my lap. It's warm, I'm hungry, and it's midnight. But I don't want to eat it. I want to do anything else. I don't want to eat it. I know I'm hungry- my stomach hurts. So why can't I lift the fork to eat? I just want to take a nap instead.

Seriously, is this a physiological thing?

In other news, I really hate how I have to now not only look left and right before I cross the street, but up too. Just in case a piano falls on my head. When something does come crashing down, they'll say, "Why didn't you look up?!"
I'd say, "When have I ever needed to look up?! Traffic should be coming from either direction! This is not normal! Put some freakn' signs around that say No More High-rise Piano Moving." But that would be silly huh?

SUDDENLY.

I'm an independent woman and I almost hate it. For sure, it's something I should be proud of but I don't think I was ever meant to be left alone to fend for myself. So why can't I fall in love with someone who is right for me? Someone asked me why I wasn't married (or dating anyone) yet and I thought, because there's something wrong with me. But how to you say that without embarrassing the questioner? I mention this because maybe if I was really a grown up woman taking care of myself, then I should be able to eat this dinner, right?  and if I can't, does that mean I'm not capable?

Recently I'm getting that old familiar feeling of not being able to do anything right the first time. But self pity never rowed to England. I really wish I could google the answer.

The internet is amazing, but it doesn't have all the answers. It doesn't have Revolutionary Girl Utena episode 20.