Thanks.

Forgive me Universe: I'm not going to explain anything.

I only have a second because I'm running behind and I have people coming over tonight.

But I wanted to say that on a normal day, this would have been mind blowing. But since it came on a really awful slump kind of day- It's extra wonderful. Dare I even say, the thing I've been waiting for. I get depressed about this and i try to ignore it and tell myself It's not worth being upset over. Some days are worse than others. And today I was really sad. I was just sad. When it came to this, I've been working extra hard to tell myself I'd never get it. Don't let reality determine my happiness.

But- that! That was all I needed. That was all I was ever asking for. I know it probably hurt a little, but I'm so glad it came today. I'm a little surprised just how glad- when I cried the whole way home from work. In weird little sobs. I couldn't help it. I'm really really...

...well thanks.

More probably after my guests leave. >_>


Hours later- I return to finish.
Admittedly, I'm a dramatic girl. I've said this a thousand times in a simultaneous attempt to reassure myself that I'm not crazy, and to point out my flaws in order to fix them. Again- I feel very deeply and sometimes it sucks. It sucks when it's feeling bad or guilty or lonely. And it suck when it happens suddenly. and it REALLY sucks when I let it slip and my dumb emotions effect other people. I think most of the time that feeling deeply is something I should really curb.

But I can't complain much right now. Sure, I'm not all glittery and swooning for love, sexually worn, or intellectually satisfied... really, the only word I can think for it is HAPPY. And I know why! The strange thing in this case is, while I hate when my bad emotions spill over and make someone else's day worse, the person who made this day better- best day in a series of days that were fine (which in comparison to last year is GREAT) I can't thank. I can't let them see this joy they brought me. This fact only dampens my happiness a little bit. I have no idea what the future is going to look like. Not to say anything has changed- it hasn't. I'm still single and without any prospects. I'm still angry with who I'm angry with, still jealous and shunned by those who I love and hate. Still a workaholic nerd wanna-be. Still a little bit annoying. I'm still in my same apartment in my same job with the same family and friends that I had before. But, if anything, with this little bit of new knowledge- better.

Better, brighter, more fun. Man. Why did it take so long?

The only thing that would have put a bow on top is a hug. But I can't have everything in life, can I?

I know I know. If curbing my feelings means taking EVERYthing down a notch, it means this too. But if I have to face the awful days alone, then let me enjoy the good ones too. And with that, I should sleep. before anything else crosses my mind.

(Oh, and maybe a goodnight text message too...oh well. ha ha.)