doshiyo?

What should I do?

There a person who won’t listen to me. So I tried something mean (that’s killing me)- ignoring him. I would think blocking him would be worse. But everyday he sends me an IM, hoping I’ll reply. If I do, what would I say? The truth is, I don’t like talking to him and I don’t see any reason why he likes talking to me. I don’t like to be nagged and guilted every four seconds to come see him in SanDiego (which is a point I made). He is nice to a point, but not anything particularly kind or interesting or creative have I heard from him. I thought that when normal people make friends, that things wax and wane naturally. But when I get into it with people lately, all it ever seems to do it wax and wax and the build up is choking me. I’m lucky I guess. It’s a nice way to die. I just remembered- he asked a few weeks ago about why I thought we’d be a bad match and I gave him a list! At least 10 good reasons, for each of which he tried to counter. Dude, if one of us isn’t feeling it, why fight? I don’t want to go on. I can’t believe I said all that and he’s still on it. After a week of silence, please GIVE UP. I don’t want to be mean anymore. X.x

The world deserves someone who thinks a lot less than I do. I think the right kind of person for me is just as smart, but calmer. I envisioned that this morning, flailing about in confusion and suddenly someone calmly wrapping their arms around me, pinning me in place! It was magic.

*Edit* I broke down and told him what was on my mind. I’m always amazed at the way I can say things I really mean, but with tact in the heat of the moment. My brain goes double time and I still end up sounding kind. I think he went from furious to friendly in like 2.4 seconds flat. Is this bad or good?

*Edit 2*Ever have one of those days where you just hate yourself?
I’m not saying this was always or will always be true, but really- as I am now, I help no one. A consuming beast I think. A waste of space. Honestly. If I didn’t think this would all end at some point anyway, having learned my lesson, I don’t know what I’d do. I don’t know what I going to do right now either. All I can really hope for is an Indiana Jones; take away the problem, and replace it with something of similar weight too quickly to notice the pain.

*addition 3 I guess* since I haven’t really posted this yet, I can call them edits can I?

Um…day fail. For sure.
But it’s nice to be talking again. I really missed it.

[real edit 1] wow. that made it worse. haha, if it didn't already, this week is going to suck.