indecent exposure

Okok, here is the tiny epiphany I had over the last week or so.

So I’ve discovered more people have access to this blog than I had previously anticipated. I won’t name names but after having a little more traffic on my *dating* blog I realized the two need to be separated. Like a person interested in me, I believe similarly that the awareness of *this* particular blog will wane in time.

But the dating blog I’m going to move to a new location. Just in case. That isn’t the revelation I had. It’s that… who cares? I’m actually floored- not by how many people have been following me, but indeed, how LITTLE they care. Or rather, that my being (semi) open here hasn’t really effected my personal relationships as much as I had anticipated. You know, mostly.

I still stand by the idea that I’m a much happier person believing that I’m talking to myself and that a majority of secrets are still locked up nicely in my head. But looking back, it’s not like I’m saying anything outrageous. And in truth, if it’s going to get me in real trouble, I should just keep it in my diary anyway. I’m just lazy about the time it takes to write in that thing. My handwriting speed is probably not par.

Anyway. I think I’m at a point in my life where I can easily dissect my life and be a little more content keeping it private again. I suppose this was an attempt to share without actually risking anything. Weird.

You know, in my head on Saturday I had a much more concise way to say this. I’m just trying to cram in all the exceptions I think about.

Still, a pretty meandering post.

Ok so if I’m going to be brave because of my new philosophy- ‘who cares?’ I’ll admit one exception to it. I found a nice guy. I won’t expound about how I feel or don’t feel about him because all that rubbish is moot. Point is, he found me and promptly found out every scrap of information about me available on the internet. O.o at first I was shocked. He knew about things I didn’t even remember posting about - and even today I have no idea where I put it that he would know about. It was… very skillfully done. My second reaction was unadulterated fear. If anyone knows that much about me, then there isn’t any way he’d still be interested in me- proving what a total and complete freak I am, that even (and especially) when I’m honest, I am undesirable. I’ve never been so exposed so early in getting to know someone before. You’d think this would turn into a nice story about how despite all that he’s still expressed interest but in truth- he hasn’t. Not sure if he found something he didn’t like, or maybe he found THIS blog (as private as I wish it were). But the end result is, I haven’t heard from him in a long time. I’m going to assume, as I’ve always feared, my personality scares people away. Lol

Well, for some twisted reason, I’m okay with that. Feeling okay with all that. I think.