Hands off Hussy!

Ok.
You know, I’m picking up this bad habit here. I feel like I’m using this blog to talk to people and say things I wouldn’t normally to them. But that’s a waste. Because then even though I feel like I’ve said it, I really haven’t. So I get the weight off my chest without solving the problem in any way. I doubt I’ll stop this habit. I mean, I talk to myself all the time and I say, “HEY YOU.”

It would probably be better if I wasn’t terrified that someone important could read it. And then all my preciously guarded secrets would be lost. I have so many of them, sometimes it’s hard to keep track. It’s best to keep everything private I guess I guess.

But these days I’ve been frustrated with wanting to solve problems that I can’t. gotta keep my hands off of situations, not because it isn’t my business or that I can’t do anything. I probably could. But I think if I tried, it would only prolong other problems. That’s vague isn’t it? GRAH. Vchan has to learn patience and stop being so…needy.

On a slightly different note, it doesn’t seem fair I can’t be as kind as I want to everyone. David called me a flirt the other day and I thought I would die of embarrassment and shame. I’m not a flirt- or, I swear I don’t try. I just like people. ;-; I always have! I can’t help but think if I was fat or disfigured people wouldn’t accuse me of that. That’s an insult to fat and disfigured people too- what? They can’t be flirts if they want to? But when I was young and scrawny and didn’t look even CLOSE to my age (I was 63 lbs at age 14 and could fit comfortably in a quarter locker), I never had these problems. I know it’s best to throw up my hands and back away but that doesn’t seem right. I can’t take care of you when you’re sick because that’s only what girlfriends do? I can’t make you cookies or take you to dinner when you’re having a bad day because that seems like a come-on? I can’t hug people or cuddle with friends? People have even assumed Aino and I are lovers. Lol. Even if I did swing that way, I don’t think I’d pick Aino as my soulmate. XD Ah. I’m bad.

So what’s the solution? I guess what I’m doing now might work. I’m still loving, but in certain situations I have to make choices contrary to my nature. Especially with people who I know might like me, and times when I end up alone with someone, and…oh dear. I guess I should stop touching people. ;_; But that’s just meee! I don’t think about it! >o<; gah. I don’t want to hurt anyone.

[edit]This means I can't offer to see anyone. They have to come to me, or ask me to go to them. I'd LIKE to jump up and go but I shouldn't.[/edit]

Although this could possibly be a good answer for why I’m craving some physical attention these days. Oh sigh. *spins in her work chair.*