Grown-ups have bedtimes.

wOOOOOOOOOO-boy
I am disfiguringly tired. You know how I like to talk about how ‘if I had a [insert male relationship here] today I would’? Well if I had a [insert male relationship here] today I would totally ignore him and fall asleep face-first on my couch and let him do all the hard work while I get my brain back.

I know I could talk about the Vegas trip, but I’ve never really been into telling stories about trips right after they happen unless there’s something important to say. And there really isn’t anything I’d like to keep in my mind.

Of course I WILL waste your time to tell you about how I got to my current condition. It wasn’t that I didn’t get enough sleep during the super-weekend, on the contrary I thought I was doing well. But that stupid traffic out of LasVegas is infuriating. I made Aino drive for 4 hours. The trip was still about 7.5 in total. I hate Vegas. It’s like it won’t let me leave. Anyway the car isn’t banged up, which is a miracle considering all of Aino’s cursing and honking- yeah, I didn’t get much sleep. But rather than go right home I had to drop off aino…chat with her mom, drop of Luna…go in her house and chat, and rather than going right over to my last appointment and then getting a quiet dinner and sleep…sami wanted to stay the night. I did my best to gently suggest she go home no matter how sleepy she was. She couldn’t have been more tired than me considering all the driving I had done that day and all weekend. So I took her to my appointment and then she wanted to show me anime. It was good stuff but it lasted way too late. (2am)

All I wanted to do was sleep in the quiet of my own home alone with what was left of my weekend. But that’s the price you pay as an adult hanging out with younger people. Or maybe just more spontaneous people. I work. They don’t. I have my own house to care for, a lot of bills, and limited time. They just don’t. And they don’t think about it. I want to be good and offer my home to them and have fun and whatnot. But in the end, I still have to get UP and face the day wither I like it or not. I don’t get to call in sick or trade work schedules. I have to be there, I have to pay that bill, I have to figure things out on my own and make it happen. I don’t have parents here, I don’t have school to waste time on, or food being prepared for me.

That is a slight difference between my non-LDS and LDS friends. My church friends are much closer to my age and temperament. Their mentality is more like mine- we don’t WANT to stay out until midnight talking. We want to go home. Lol. How old-man of me. It sounds like I’m turning into a grandparent but there it is.

I’m tired of promising my ENTIRE weekend to animaid every time there is an event. I never get the morning or evening off. And often not even the evening before or the morning after. It’s always driving and going for food and making sure everyone is taken care of. For once, I’d like to do a shoot, or go to a meeting, or have an event and then go home alone at the end of it. Or have someone drop me off for once. I have a new profound love of getting dropped off now.

Like on dates. Just drop me off, kiss me goodnight, and let me muse with my time. Not fiddle with my GPS and then drop off a blouse before I can go to bed.

And people wonder why I’m so independent and lonely. Lol

So a friend sent me a Female survey I’m supposed to fill out and do. and one of the questions is, ‘what is one thing a guy can do to attract you?’ Directly speaking, drop me off and pick me up. But on a deeper level, do you know what I’d like? A man, being a man: Being the stupid, rational, shy, brave, devoted, drama-less, take-charge, hardworking, smart, and the grown-up person he can be. Things go wrong, he is not a baby about it- no stress or feminine fretting. He might not be the smoothest guy on the block, and can be pretty stupid about romantic things and picking up hints, but he knows what he knows.

Dr. Laura says, when she is with a man she will not open her own door just to give the guy an opportunity to be a man. She has the ability to open the door, she might even be able to do it better that the guy she’s with. But men should be men. If he wants to be a MAN for me, he’ll show up, pick me up, carry me away- without much prompt from me other than a green light.

Hahahahahaahahahahahahaha. Remember when I said how sleepy I am? I’m sure this is all dribble and I must be making no sense. Well, I want a man. not a boy anyway. That’s the connection between the two subjects. These anime boys and girls don’t know what it means to be men and women. Give me a late 20-something who licks his own stamps to send off to the DWP. Oh baby. Hot.

Ps. I like it when you write on the internet. Not only do I get to find out how you are, but I also get to keep a record of what you said for a while. I love letters. Love Letters! So keep writing to me about everything.

Pps. I guess I could have posted this on my normal journal but I complain about aino and I don’t want her to be mad at me. On that note- I reiterate what I said a few posts back, if you want to keep reading un inhibited, don’t let me know you’re here.