Same old thing/Headrest

All day I spent wishing to go home. Now that everyone is gone I don't want to go anymore.
Today feels just like yesterday and the weekend means nothing to me.

I'm supposed to speak in church on Sunday but I feel really not worthy to do it. Prepare a talk... I haven't done that in so long. I ate an apple today but skipped my meds but still I feel the same as yesterday. Maybe a little less patient.

So someone asked to take me out tomorrow as a new year’s resolution to go on more dates. I feel like it's a waste of my time but if I don't have any plans on Saturdays I end up staying in bed until 3pm. So it's a good motivator. I should go to the hospital and get the labs taken like my doctor told me to but I can't figure out where to go so I'm too scared to try by myself. Who knows what I'll do with the free time this weekend. I already finished the DFs for next week. Probably nothing.

Just blah. I know a social life will come back to me soon and I'll probably perk up just fine. I know I'll probably be just fine. I'm smart enough to know that whatever feelings you have won't last forever. But can I say one thing I would love? I don't want to drive home by myself again tonight. It's such a long and boring drive. The same music on the FM, the same complaints about the fiscal cliff on the AM. Nothing changes.

It's my fantasy that I'll be here at work and someone offers to come pick me up. I'll wait all night for that just so I don't have to drive home without any prospect of something new. Anything new. Where is my adventure?

Like I said, a social life will come to me soon. So I really shouldn't go the path of reaching out to those friends of mine who are solo relations. By that I mean people I know who don't know any of my OTHER friends. It's just the two of us existing in our own world with our own rules. Not in all, but in most cases those are the ones that get me into the most trouble. Because then when we're together it's like the rules of the world don't apply.

Admittedly, not all my 'solo' relationships are that way. John for example, although I rarely see our mutal relations, when I'm with him I don't get into trouble. He always takes care of me. I don't really know why. But he's kind and always let's me rest my head on his shoulder when I'm tired or worried or stressed. Most of the time that's all I need. Someone to support my head.

I just don't have a headrest tonight.