asking for help

ohno
she's not going to come. She's going to leave me to do this alone. I don't want to do this by myself. I worked so hard and lost so much time so we could do this together.
Please don't make me do this by myself Aino chan.

stupid girl I am for trying again. dumb girl.

so if she doesn't come, should I cancel? or try? if I cancel, everyone will know we're unreliable. and if I do it alone... not only will I look stupid but i really need to eat. i want dinner so badly and with her help i could have relaxed. but if not, then I have to do all this alone. I spent all day getting this ready and she let me down.

This must be my fault. I should just quit trying things I can't do by myself.

You know, I was kinda playing at washing my car the other day. I took a bucket of water and soap with rags and things out into the street. I was embarrased for a while doing it in mid-day but soon it was just fun. Until a person who had been appraently watching me from his window came out and gently told me I was being stupid, and offered his hose and materials. I was so embarrassed. I politely told him I had time to waste anyway and laughed it off. but for some reason I was hurt. I probably needed help and any normal person would have used this person's offer to their advantage. But my pride was hurt so I sat on the curb trying to look relaxed for a while.

But look what happens when I try to ask for help. No one comes. I can't believe she's not coming. I'd rather cry than change into my uniform. I don't want to do this alone.

[edit] it's over now and I was able to pull off something awkward but in between. Plus I got to watch a little sailor moon. I feel like a huge chunk of my day was wasted and my body feels like a boney doll with not enough stuffing. My dad would be proud though, I got the mic out of the box. I think the best word for it is feeling beat.

I'm beat. just let me re spawn someplace else. It's like I'm playing the video game "life" but I got the controller with the sticky joystick. oi