Pathetic

Ok, maybe I figured it out.
Maybe it’s pathetic.
Alright, it’s really pathetic.

But I’ve figured it out.
I let him abuse me because at least he seems interested. Even if it’s completely convoluted and demeaning way- there is juuuust enough of a hint of interest in me. Even though I have no idea why- I guess I don’t need to know. He has taken all my exes on as ‘competition’. Particularly ***. Even though he’d never admit to being jealous, he needs motivation to become ‘more awesome’ than he already is.

And when you have no confidence, are feeling worthless, and as hopeless as I have been recently- you’ll take any form of acceptance. As though, if this relationship doesn’t work, nothing else ever will. So as long as he keeps asking me out, I’ll say yes. Is that what this is?

That’s pathetic. I’m pathetic. Don’t I have any more self worth than that?