Lining

Got into a fight until 2am last night. In fact, every night last week I was up until some morning hour.
But last night I must have just lost my mind. Strange thing is I tried to warn them. For no reason at all I started crying because it was my older brother's birthday and he never returned my call. It clicked in my head that I was being silly and I said so. I even said that I desperately needed to go to bed because I wasn't making sense. But I don't know why they didn't take me seriously. Honestly, I sounded like a lunatic.

Anyway, I figured it all out today as I always do. Texted and apologized again (as I had over and over in the middle of the fight) explaining that my hormones were simply out of whack and one should never take a woman seriously who lives in a red tent.

I woke up with red and puffy eyes. almost got into a number of car accidents until at last, I got a ticket for ONCE AGAIN not stopping enough. This time it was at a light on a right hand turn. Work was basically a blur and I was grateful no one asked me for much. At lunch I went home to fix my make up, take Advil, and lay down on my cool bedsheets for a while. I tried not to think too much today- just keep going.

My mommy called with my little sister while I was at work though and at that moment there was nothing I would rather have been doing than to talk to them. But I had to keep my voice down and my answers low because my co-workers were still there. It was the first day in 7 months I left work before them.

I did get a chance to chat with my mommy before going in the house. That was nice. Then I filled out my health forms, submitted the Daily Feature (later in the day than I intended to but the original piece I had lined up didn't link the original Photographer and I couldn't find the name anywhere. So I had to find a new one.) Now I need to finish my instructions to the web designer but my back hurts and I want to just lay here for a while.

This was/is *not* my best day ever but deep deep deep inside I'm actually grateful. Because I don't have to worry about where my next paycheck is coming from. Because my family is all healthy and well and seemingly happy. I don't have the vulture of my mother eating the flesh from the back of my head. Because I still have a few friends who care about me and I'm gaining more and losing the bad ones. Because the problems I had today are normal ones.

I'll take weeping openly in traffic in front of an apathetic cop over being alone pretending not to be hurt by someone who uses me any day.

Regardless... I hate day -1 through 3. These cramps are murder.

Silver.