I'm lame. No srsly.

I have this problem perhaps you can relate.

I’m not cool enough. And by that I mean I make myself lame though whatever paranoia, laziness, or distaste possible.

So a few of my friends are going to this thing tonight that I’m invited to. A Kind of acoustic guitar, vocals, cello and whatever else they throw together. Sounds cool right? I have no desire to go. My instincts say I have too much work to do and I should be at home using my few precious hours to focus on applying for work. This job I have leaves no time for me to apply and if I ever plan anything in the evenings, it’s right after work (with sometimes no time to even pretty up) and lasts until I collapse into bed with my clothes on. So I literally have to make the choice with my time- stay home to give myself the chance to fail or succeed at being responsible.

I think most people can pick up and do things like this because they organize their time better. They say, “Hey, I can go out. I need a break anyway.” I rarely say that to myself. I don’t take breaks. I just go out when I feel a gap in time and an excess in funds.

But truth is, even if I wasn’t doing anything serious, I’d think something was. Ohhh man, I need to clean my room. Or I have been going out too much I need to save money. The truth is, if it was something I really wanted to do with people I was interested in or ones that made me feel comfortable (going out still makes me nervous) I would probably go. But I don’t want to. I do feel uncomfortable. I do feel ugly today. I would rather be by myself at home to watch youtube.

I’m lame. I’m a lame person. A homebody. A loser. A shut in. Otaku. Dork. Introvert. Fearful. Whatever.


And now you know.